Little tooter

So we were sitting around talking about dinner. Jeff said he was thinking about a chorizo burrito. I said I was thinking about pizza. Lainey jumped into Jeff's lap, so he asked her what she was thinking about. At which point she proceeded to tear off a ten second fart that cleared the room. She laughed hysterically, of course, and actually- so did we!

A list of Lainey-isms

Dowint (dow-int) - "That one".  As in "I want dowint" as she's pointing to a heavily frosted cupcake.

Gipsee (gip-see)- not pronounced like "gypsy", it has a hard 'g' sound.  It's a smell and she has called it gipsee.  It's the plastic smell that her toys have.  We have no idea where she's come up with this word.

Browt (br-out)- "brought", as in "Momma, you didn't browt me anything from Target today?"

Pops- any kind of candy, whether it is DumDums, Nerds, a Blo-Pop, or candy bar.  It's all "pops".

The horsey collection

Lainey's Christmas haul (and this doesn't include all the little My Little Ponies she got too!)

We made cookies

Mommy rolled out the dough and made the icing- Lainey did the rest!

Here is the final product, and yes- there are bites taken out of many of them.

I wonder who took those bites???

Panda hat from Beca

A friend bought this for Lainey for Christmas

Two very confused little ones

Lainey wouldn't go to sleep tonight until I dragged Dunkin's new dog bed into her room (and Dunkin too) so that he would sleep in her room with her.
At 10:00 I went in to check on them, and this is what I found.
Sadly, I'm can't say for sure which one kicked the other out of their bed!

Hey everybody!

Lainey and I made goody bags for her friends at school today. She was very excited to share them with her buddies! She wore her Santa hat to school and when we walked into her classroom she shouted to them "Hey everybody, I brought GOOD bags for you!"

She is so awesome

Words cannot express how much I love this little girl.

The girl's got style

Lainey rockin the silver leggings today

Santa knows everything

In the tub tonight:
Um mommy, hey does Santa have my name on a list?
I reply yes.
So does Santa know if I'm farting?
I reply that Santa knows lots of things.
She says "So Santa knows when I'm farting on Dad?"
I reply that Santa is, in fact, fully aware of you farting on poor dad.

Shankie the Snowman

Lainey found a Frosty decoration and named him Shankie.
There isn't really much else to say about that!!

It's Christmastime!

Lainey loves hot air balloons, so tonight the town of Marana had their tree lighting and balloon glow. It was fun and Lainey had a good time watching the hot fire in the balloons.
She pulled a Jonah on me while we were waiting for the balloon glow. I said something to her, and I can't even remember what it was, and she got up in my face and said "I AM NOT A BABY!!" I will never forget him doing that to me, it always makes me smile when I think about it, and it's nice to get a reminder of him like that once in a while.

Something is not quite right in this picture

Can you spot the two things wrong here?

Cash and money

"Momma, I need to buy more ponies, but I just can't without more cash and money. I just need more!"
And she's saying this to me with a look of total panic, with her arms in the air like 'help me out here momma!'

Sick today

Lainey has Croup, so that means two things: home with me for three days, and yucky tasting medicine and bribes to take it. To be fair, the steroid medicine is absolutely wretched tasting so I think it is more like a reward for taking it and keeping it down than a bribe.
Since I have to work while she's home with me, she has been privy to some of my work conversations. This morning she asked me about Larry from Elbow Cookie (Albuquerque), and wanted to know if he was a boy or girl. She shushed me before I could answer, and said she had to call Lisa from Sage, who works in Sugar Visa (Sierra Vista), and she needed me to be a good girl and stay nice and quiet for her while she was talking to Lisa.

Monday

This morning when I was gathering up blankets, pillows, sheets, keys, phone, dog, and kid for the ride to school, I asked Lainey if she was ready to go.  She said "Yeah Momma, lets blow this popcicle stand!"

She's getting big

Do I not have school tomorrow?

She admits to loving school, but every day she asks if she doesn't not have school tomorrow.  She always asks in her backward double-negative way that Jeff and I love.  It takes us a minute to untwist her questions.  Maybe one day we'll get used to it.
She also has two days in one, because when she takes a nap and wakes up- to her it's a brand new day.  So today (Saturday) after  her nap she asked if she doesn't have school today.  I said no, it's Saturday.  And she asked if she doesn't not have school tomorrow.  I said no, it's Sunday, and there is no school on Sundays.  So she asked what we were doing instead.  I said that since it was Sunday, she and I were going to head out and go shopping and run some errands so daddy can have a little quiet time to watch football.   She says "Okay, but make sure you don't bump into the big bad rocks again, okay?"
???????????????
"Big bad rocks" are mountains, by the way.  And apparently at some point in time in her mind I bumped into them, and this is a concern for us tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bubble gum, bribes, and farting around

Mommy has been very busy at work lately, so it's been pretty important that we get up quickly and get Lainey to school in the mornings.  But Princess Bananafana likes to fart around- mostly because she gets a kick out of it when I tell her "Hey, quit fartin around, we gotta get going!"
So this morning I told her we needed to get going.  It went like this:
L: Am I farting around?
M: You're not at farting around level yet, but you're getting there.
L: Just five more minutes okay?  I'm not ready yet.
M: You have until Mommy is finished getting dressed.
- 30 seconds later-
M: OK baby, lets get your clothes on.
L: No I'm not ready yet.
M: Now you're farting around. 
-pause for the giggle from Lainey.  And Mommy, I'll be honest.-
M: Lets go sweetie, lets get dressed.
L: Hey, Boppa calls me Sweetie.  Want to hear me be like Boppa?  (In a deep voice) "Hello Sweetie, I'm Boppa"!
M: ha ha, that's pretty good Lainey.  Okay lets get dressed.
L: Boppa wants to wear his jammies to school.
M: Come on, please LB, lets get dressed.  I'll give you a piece of bubble gum.  (Yeah, I did say that.)
L: No Momma, that's for when I poop in the potty!
M: (In my head) Crap.  (Out loud) Yep, you're right.  Thanks for reminding me.
L: But you can give me one anyway for being a good girl.
M: OK deal, but only if you get dressed.
L: No, just one more minute.

Booty butt

This morning she slept until 8:20, which is awesome.  She was goofy right from the start, telling me that I shouldn't bite her pink horsey's nose because then I'll get horsey's bogeys in my mouth.
Can't argue that.
So then Jeff was playing with Dunkin while Lainey and I watched and laughed.  At which point Lainey points at Jeff and says "Hey Dad, you're a pee pee butt!" Then points at Dunkin and says "And you're a poo poo butt!" Turns, points at me and says "Uhhhh, Momma, you're a... a.... a.... BOOTIE BUTT!"  (She learned this from Aubrey at school, by the way.  Aubrey and Lainey are frenemies.)  I asked her what she was and if she was a cutie butt, and she goes "NOPE!  I'm just a brick wall!"

Braids

Braiding her hair is like braiding three tiny streams if water. It is also impossible to get her to agree to it because she has a super sensitive head and pulling the hair at all hurts her.
But we did it!
Sort of.

She figured out how to unlock the door

I have to keep my office locked because she loves to hit all the buttons on the printer, take my pens and highlighters, and destroy my stuff in general. Tonight she figured out how to use a quarter to unlock the door and get a pen out of my drawer.
I am in serious trouble with this kid!

YOu said a bad word Momma!

Lainey does not get any candy or new toys until she poops on the potty. THis is a constant debate lately. Here's how the latest conversation went:
Me: no new ponies until you poop in the potty.
L: hey you said a bad word momma!
M: no I didn't.
L: you did.
M: what did I say?
L: a bad word.
M: which one?
L; the bad one.
M: which one was bad?
L: the bad one!
This went on for a while! She never would say the "bad" word!

One Eskimo: Kandi

Lainey calls this song her Angel Song and she told me today that she wants me to come to her school tomorrow and play her Angel song for her teachers because she likes it when we sing it together.

Happy Birthday Momma, now lets eat your cake!

I had to work in the office today, and when I got home and walked in the door, my angel ("straight from heaven") was waiting for me with a big smile on her face.

President Obama re-elected

Recording a piece of history for us to look back on.

Classic

Jeff and Lainey were wrestling and Lainey says "I'm messin' with the wrong guy!"

Daddy Song

Turn your volume up, it's kinda hard to hear.  "Daddy, Daddy, he's my wonderful boy."

Saturday's quote

I don't eat Dunkin's dog food anymore.

Everybody makes mistakes

So today I picked up some jammies for Princess Bananafana. I mistakenly said they were Barbie jammies, and she quickly corrected me that they are, in fact, Cinderella jammies, not Barbie jammies. I said "oh my mistake!" And she says "That's okay. Everybody makes mistakes Mamma!"
I love this child!

Loving her little ponies

Selling art

Lainey has spent the majority of the day coloring pictures of Humpty Dumpty.  Jeff has been assigned the task of putting price tags on the finished pictures.  Lainey wants to sell her art so she can go buy a Popsicle.
After he marked one for $95, per her instruction, she grabbed it and said "This gets me more Popsicle!"

The Halloween goodie bag from school

This is where Mommy learns a valuable lesson on checking what's in the Halloween goodie bag Lainey got at school today.  I thought I checked it well enough before putting her in her car seat for the 25 minute ride home.  I knew it had candy in it, and that was okay with me.  I apparently underestimated two things: 1. the amount of candy in the bag, and 2. how quickly she'd plow through it.  When we got home and I opened her door, there were four DumDums sticks, an empty box of mini Milk Duds, three empty Smarties wrappers, and a half-eaten Twizzler.  I don't know if I'm appalled or impressed.

Ice cream

Jeff picked her up from school today and took her to Dairy Queen for a treat. She ordered chocolate ice cream and Jeff got a butterscotch dipped cone.
She took one bite of his and made him trade her!!

Oh, the shame!

Lainey decided to show her new pink My Little Pony panties to her male instructor and the rest of the crowd at gymnastics tonight.
I was slightly mortified until my brother Michael gave me some perspective and said "At least he didn't show her his!"

Traffic lights

Lainey knows red means stop, green means go, and yellow means proceed with caution.  She will holler from the back seat that a light is coming up and that I should get ready to do what the light tells me.  She's three and I think she has a better grasp on driving than most people with licenses.

Rhyming

We need to work on the concept of rhyming.  In the car today:

"This old man, he played five, he played knick knack on my door..."
Then-
"This old man, he played five, he played knick knack on my knee..."
Then-
"he played five, he played knick knack on my shoe..."
She did pause once, and I thought she had it, but it went like this-
"he played five (it's always five), he played knick knack .... on my........ (deep breath).... trees"
So close!!

She's kinda been a pill lately

It's bedtime for Bonzo.  Which means Bonzo Lainey plays in her room for an hour doing various things: Singing, reading, playing with her toys, etc.  Last night she was making such a racket that I swear she was building a clubhouse.  Tonight she wanted her fruit snacks.  We were ignoring her, after having told her no fewer than thirty bazillion times that she could not have fruit snacks, and she hollered at us that we were in trouble and we had 5 seconds to bring her fruit snacks.  And then she started counting!

Smarty pants

Side note---Lainey had been suffering from allergies for the last week, coughing and snuffling a lot.
In the car on the way home from Walmart, she kept asking for Sour Patch Kids and then she comes up with "If you give me just three more they won't make me cough anymore."

Oh the things she says

We got Mickey D's after gymnastics tonight, and she was taking her time eating, as usual, which means she's not eating at all but hopping around the booth being a goofball. I asked her if she was ready or if we were going to spend all night there. She says "I'm almost done. Two minutes, okay?"
Now as I'm blogging this she says "I'm done. I'm leaving without you. Let's go Momma!"

The Fisher Price Camera

Today I uploaded pictures Lainey has been taking on her Fisher Price camera since she got it for her 3rd birthday.  Some of the pictures are terrible because it's a cheap kid's toy, so it's dark or out of focus.  But some of the pictures are actually REALLY COOL.  The pictures were all (except maybe one or two) taken by Lainey.  Click here  and then click on "slideshow" in the upper lefthand corner of the pictures. The pictures are also showing in a slideshow on the left side of this blog page.  Enjoy!

Baby Beluga

Song she learned at school, some of it is a little muffled, so turn up your volume!

Candy

When Jeff asked what Lainey wanted to do after gymnastics tomorrow, she said "go home, watch TV, and eat candy!"
What kind of parents are we?!?

Sunglasses. Again.

Lainey: Momma, where are my sunglasses?
Mom: I don't know, where did you put them?
L: I think you threw them in the cactuses.
M: Does that really sound like something I would do?
L: ... No. I think maybe they are in my bin in my room.
M: yes, that seems much more reasonable.

She's really into Humpty Dumpty

We went to Walmart the other day and she wanted to get some "all the king's horses".  We found a My Little Pony set.  It seems to be a good substitution!  In these pictures she's staged her own version of Humpty Dumpty.

            Cast of characters: 
Humpty:                    SpongeBob SquarePants
King's Horses:           My Little Ponies
King's Men:               Baby and mini teddies

Setting up the King's Horses and Men

Humpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty...

Had a great fall

Gymnastics today

Lainey spent most of the class standing on the balance beam making faces in the mirror and announcing to the parents watching "I'm making funny faces Momma!"
Although these pictures were not taken at gymnastics, they were taken afterward when I asked her to show me what faces she was making.

Monday. Monday? Monday!

6:54 AM "Food doesn't always have faces."
?????????????????

In the car on the way to school:
Me: LB, do you remember what an animal doctor is called?

L: Uh...

M: A veterinarian.

L: Oh yeah, verchinrainmeum.

M: Close.  Good try.  Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

L: I'm going to stay little Momma, and I'm just going to be a mermaid.

M: Okay, but I thought you wanted to go to college?

L: To Stanford?

M: Yes, if that's where you want to go.

L: Well, are you going to pick me up afterwards?

M: Probably.  In fact you'll probably come back home for a while afterward.

L: Will I get to see you and daddy while I'm at Stanford?

M: Actually I think daddy is planning on going with you.

L: Oh good.  But I sure am going to miss you Momma.

M: Oh thanks Baby, I'll miss you too.

L: Am I going to be there a long time?

M: Four years is all we can afford unless you get a job or scholarship.

L: Well, I don't want to be there that long.

M: Okay, if you think you can do it in three years, I'm all for it!

L: Well, I think maybe I just want to go to my apple school instead.  I don't want to leave you at home by yourself.

M: That's sweet Pooh, thank you.  Lets just wait a couple years before you go to Stanford, okay?

L: Yeah, we'll just wait Momma.  Do horses poop and what does it smell like?

She rules this house

Conversation with Jeff

J: "Lainey, quit squishing your oranges and go wash your hands."
L: "No, it's fine if I just wipe my hands on my nightgown." (It's 4:45 in the afternoon, by the way)
J: "No, it's not fine  Go wash your hands in the sink with water."
L: "No, I don't want to."
J: "I don't care, I told you to wash your hands."
L: "No."
J: "Yes.  Do it now, or I'm taking away your new pony." (Not a real pony.  Obviously.  Dunkin is already left out enough as it is.  Otherwise....)
L: "No, I -"
J: "Lainey, go now."
L: "Quit talking back to me, Daddy."  Hands on hips, glowering.

Forget the tantrums, or the late nights and early mornings when she was a baby.  The hardest part of parenting so far is hiding our snickers and smiles, and trying to keep from busting out laughing when she does something like this.

This pic doesn't relate to this post, it's just cute

Makeup, from the makers of Crayola™

There really isn't anything else to say!

Boobs

In the car with Eric, Maile, Brayden, and me, Lainey says "Hey, my dad has little boobs. [pause] That was funny. Do you want me to say it again?"

Dinner for little girls

"Momma, little girls don't like pizza or macaroni, so it's fine if I just have a cookie, okay?"

Is that a reindeer on her shirt?

This was the chosen outfit today

Silly

Lainey: "this is silly putty. And I'm silly."

And then when I asked her to smile for the camera again, this is what she did:

I am what I am!  And I am silly!

Almost didn't get one today

As I was getting her some allergy medicine, she picked a banana up off the countertop, held it to her ear, and said "Hello?  Yeah?  Well, Momma's giving me medicine.  I have to go.  Bye!" 

She turned to me and said "That was my banana phone.  Where's my medicine?"

Today's conversation in the car

Lainey: "Momma, I need my sunglasses.  I can't see the sun."
I hand her the sunglasses that are stuffed in the pocket in back of the driver's seat.
Lainey: "Hey, these are kinda chewed up.  It's because Dunkin is kind of a turd sometimes.  We like him most of the time, but sometimes he's just a turd."
Pause for 2.4 seconds
"And daddy doesn't have any sunglasses.  Why he doesn't have sunglasses, momma?"
Me: "I don't know, but I've urged him many times to get some.  Maybe he'll listen to you if you tell him to get some."
Lainey: "He won't listen to me either, because he's kind of a bad boy.  He gets a frowny face today for being a bad boy for that he didn't listen to me.  And he also hit me with a spatula."
Me: "Daddy didn't hit you with a spatula, goofball.  Are you fibbing?"
Lainey: "..... yes.  He's a good boy.  But still he gets a frowny face because he doesn't have sunglasses."
Me: "Okay, that seems perfectly reasonable to me."

Snoring

This morning-

"Well, you woke me up in my room when you were snoring last night, Momma."

"I did?" I reply.  "I'm sorry."

"Well, too bad, you already did it" she says, shrugging her shoulders.

It's too early to be this happy

Saturday mornings bring interesting quotes

Drum roll please!

"Poop is not really pretty."

Good Egg

She pointed to her magnets and said "Daddy, this says 'Good Egg is not open but Jerry Bobs is!'"
(Both are restaurants here in Tucson)

She wrote us an email

Lainey came home from school, handed me a torn up envelope with a mashed up piece of paper stuffed in it and said "Momma, I sent you and Daddy an email!"
After she dropped it in my lap she exclaimed "hey, my grapes smell like something!"
She cracks me up.

I love it when she sings

And gets the words wrong!



It isn't necessarily what she says

But the confidence with which she wears a shirt that says "Daddy answers to me". Nothing could be closer to the truth!

I own you Daddy!

She also told me when I picked her up from school today that Jeff had promised her donuts after school.

I didn't fall for it.  She got a cupcake instead.

Today's quote

"Momma! Maybe the dingo ate your baby!"
No kidding, she actually said this to me on the way home from gymnastics. And here I thought maybe I wouldn't have a post today!

And... when Jeff asked her if she learned anything at school today, she shook her head and whispered no with a look that clearly said "we're going to have to speak with someone about this tragedy."